So here is a random fact about me i go to an all girls school! i would love to say its the most amazing place and its full of amazing people and we all get on like a house on fire but that would be the furthest thing from the truth okay so let me break this down for you there are 20 girls in my year and the year is split into three distinctive groups : the princesses, the i dont give a fuck about my lives and finally the bods (clever retards to you and me)! you are probably wondering where i fit in here, well i wonder the same thing everyday. im not a bitch like the princesses, im not a whore or a liar like the dont give a fuck's and i am certainly not bod material! yes i have qualities of all of them, i can be a bitch but cant we all! yes i dont have a hard time with money but i appriciate it and dont take it for granted. and i sometimes like everyone does im sure frankly dont give a fuck about school! i hate to take orders and dont agree with punishing someone for speaking their mind i mean they call it argueing back but i mean in every lesson i have we are taught to argue, debate and stand up for what we believe in! so i have got myself with the i dont give a fuck group and hows that turning out for me? well im getting into more trouble, i am failing and im also turning into a whore (see last post)!
so today there was a girl and she completely screwed me over pretended to be my friend so she could 'get information' about a girl in my year i frankly cant stand! (isnt this abit too 5 year old for you!) well who is going to be fucking laughing when i destroy her! (i am no queen bitch but i will not let someone mess with me and just get away with it ooh hell no!)
Thursday 23 June 2011
Wednesday 22 June 2011
Decisions
so in life we all make choices whether these are things we are proud of or things we just dont want the world to know. any one who says they havent made any bad decisions in their life would be lying whether they are 9 or 99 we all make bad decisions from time to time. so i hold my hands up and say i make plenty of shit decisions ranging from getting involved with the wrong crowd at school to dating dick heads and forgiving them even though they treat you like nothing more than dirt on the bottom of their shoe.
if you asked anyone in my family what i was like you would probably get more or less the same reply : naughty as a child, a pain, strong, determined, observant. i want to go back to strong, strength! what is strength though? what is the defining line between someone strong and someone weak? to me strength is about go to hell and back but remembering it will all get better. what may seem bad now, will be a funny story in a few months maybe years! strength is someone who is there for others when they are at their worst, someone who helps people in their time of need. wearing the label strong is a privilege but also a nightmare, when i have a rough day and want to break down in tears i feel i cant because i am the strong one, not the weak one. when i have a argument with my friends or boyfriend who can i turn to, to be strong for me?
so here is it one of my main problems as such, i met a guy, he live about 5 or 6 hours away by car then possibly 4 hours by train, so we have been web camming and talking on msn! i fell head over heels for him and then one day he got a girlfriend which was like someone had shot me in the heart, i cried and cried, i mean why? he wasnt my boyfriend? no one had died? i was well and living? but still it hurt me. then after about a month or two they split up and we started talking again, he told me he really liked me and that he wanted us both to be eachothers 'first time' and all my feelings came back the ones that i had tried to push away came flooding back into my mind. he made me feel special, loved! but once again we werent dating and had no committment to each other so why was i willing to give him something so precious to me? he asked me to do things on web cam like take my top off and i did at first just my top so i mean its no big deal right i still had my bra on, but then it turned into take your bra off and the stupid thing was i was, am so blinded by him that i did it. i flat out said no to doing anything more and at this point we still hadnt, havent met in person! i know with all my heart he is using me and everytime he calls me gorgeous or says he likes me its all a lie but i cant take myself away from him. when we arent talking i wish we are but its not going to happen he will never commit to me! my friends knew a little about him and i didnt want to seem so naive so i foolishly said we were dating and that we had met (LIES) just to seem less needy and pathetic! when i am with him i try to act cool and as though he doesnt mean nearlly as much to me as he really does! i know that i should leave while i still have some of my dignity (not much but some) left. but i cant and please dont think i am stupid but i really think i do love him! why cant i just walk away?
if you asked anyone in my family what i was like you would probably get more or less the same reply : naughty as a child, a pain, strong, determined, observant. i want to go back to strong, strength! what is strength though? what is the defining line between someone strong and someone weak? to me strength is about go to hell and back but remembering it will all get better. what may seem bad now, will be a funny story in a few months maybe years! strength is someone who is there for others when they are at their worst, someone who helps people in their time of need. wearing the label strong is a privilege but also a nightmare, when i have a rough day and want to break down in tears i feel i cant because i am the strong one, not the weak one. when i have a argument with my friends or boyfriend who can i turn to, to be strong for me?
so here is it one of my main problems as such, i met a guy, he live about 5 or 6 hours away by car then possibly 4 hours by train, so we have been web camming and talking on msn! i fell head over heels for him and then one day he got a girlfriend which was like someone had shot me in the heart, i cried and cried, i mean why? he wasnt my boyfriend? no one had died? i was well and living? but still it hurt me. then after about a month or two they split up and we started talking again, he told me he really liked me and that he wanted us both to be eachothers 'first time' and all my feelings came back the ones that i had tried to push away came flooding back into my mind. he made me feel special, loved! but once again we werent dating and had no committment to each other so why was i willing to give him something so precious to me? he asked me to do things on web cam like take my top off and i did at first just my top so i mean its no big deal right i still had my bra on, but then it turned into take your bra off and the stupid thing was i was, am so blinded by him that i did it. i flat out said no to doing anything more and at this point we still hadnt, havent met in person! i know with all my heart he is using me and everytime he calls me gorgeous or says he likes me its all a lie but i cant take myself away from him. when we arent talking i wish we are but its not going to happen he will never commit to me! my friends knew a little about him and i didnt want to seem so naive so i foolishly said we were dating and that we had met (LIES) just to seem less needy and pathetic! when i am with him i try to act cool and as though he doesnt mean nearlly as much to me as he really does! i know that i should leave while i still have some of my dignity (not much but some) left. but i cant and please dont think i am stupid but i really think i do love him! why cant i just walk away?
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Love
every girl wants to be loved, whether its by their boyfriend, husband, parents or friends. we all as girls have a common goal to find our true love and be Cinderella and get the one day we all are secretly planning since the word go where we can be the PRINCESS!
my mother always said to me love is love if you have to ask yourself if your in love then your not, she said love comes easy and love is blind. but only lately have i been thinking love isnt easy in fact its far from easy, love is painful and hard, it makes you cry and laugh but when you do have love and have found the one none of the pain and suffering you have been through matters any more because you have found someone who takes that pain away someone who loves you for you and not your money or lifestyle.
so many girls now have a almost check list of what a guy must have and if he doesnt he isnt the one for you, but are they not going too far with these list? he must be... handsome, funny, kind, caring, have money, be successful? because not every guy is like that and can tick all the boxes. but should we just settle for any one that wants us? HELL NO! yes have your list but beauty is only skin deep if you are going to put money and success before kind and caring then i feel sorry for you people because on the contrary as much as people say it does money does not give you happiness, love on the other hand does.
my mother always said to me love is love if you have to ask yourself if your in love then your not, she said love comes easy and love is blind. but only lately have i been thinking love isnt easy in fact its far from easy, love is painful and hard, it makes you cry and laugh but when you do have love and have found the one none of the pain and suffering you have been through matters any more because you have found someone who takes that pain away someone who loves you for you and not your money or lifestyle.
so many girls now have a almost check list of what a guy must have and if he doesnt he isnt the one for you, but are they not going too far with these list? he must be... handsome, funny, kind, caring, have money, be successful? because not every guy is like that and can tick all the boxes. but should we just settle for any one that wants us? HELL NO! yes have your list but beauty is only skin deep if you are going to put money and success before kind and caring then i feel sorry for you people because on the contrary as much as people say it does money does not give you happiness, love on the other hand does.
Life
okaii so im new to all this blogging and i mean i hear its a great way to vent or what ever you usually do on here so i guess all im going to do is talk and if you happen to read this great but im not doing this so people can read it i am doing it for me :p
any way thanks hope you enjoy x
any way thanks hope you enjoy x
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